I am great at making inconsequential decisions. Ask me what outfit you should wear, and I will not hesitate to give you my honest opinion. Which restaurant should we go to? Step aside and let me tell you. Big, important decisions, however, have never been quite as simple for me. I’m very aware that this does not make me unique, and most people have a difficult time with big decisions. Unlike some other people though, I cannot simply push an impactful decision to the back of my mind until it needs to be made.
After being in Japan for all of two months, my school placed a piece of paper on my desk giving me the information I needed to know about making my reappointment decision. Granted, this decision wasn’t due until January 8th, but now it had firmly taken root in my mind. That, along with the fact that almost all my friends and other people on the program seemed to be constantly talking about how long they were going to stay in Japan, made it impossible for me to stop the internal debate over whether or not I should stay a second year.
I always said I wasn’t sure, but felt in my gut that I’d be staying a second year. There’s a bit of pressure to stick it out for two years on this program, with people telling you “you need a reason to leave after one year and a reason to stay after two,” along with just about everyone in their third or fourth year saying that year two was when they finally got their footing. I had this feeling that I should stay and was letting myself go with that. I felt like one year was too brief for all the effort it took to get over here, along with the fact that two years just sounded cooler than one. Years down the line I could tell someone about my past saying, “I lived in Japan for two years.” Two years. It just sounds so substantial.
I was forced out of my hypothetical “stay or go” daydream when my school told me the day before I was leaving for Thailand that I needed to sign my recontracting documents as soon as I returned. Seven weeks earlier than the January 8th deadline I was initially told. I went into full fledged panic mode, as I had been really counting on my parent’s visit to give me a come to Jesus moment. Thankfully, my friend in Thailand is one of the best people I know for working through big life decisions, and she pushed me to think about my time here in a light I hadn’t before.
Ally helped me consider what I really want out of life and if my experience here is helping me get there. She’s recently taken a three day course in life coaching and pulled out some of those resources (which were amazing and if you want more details let me know).
What I came to is that my time in Japan has been great. I have learned so much about myself and pushed myself in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I do not regret for one second my time here, but ultimately one year is enough. I had always considered this to be my one big adventure, so a huge moment for me in the decision making process was realizing that just because I want to leave Japan does not mean that I’m done adventuring.
Another very important detail is that this job is about to drive me mad. I’m extremely overqualified for the actual teaching aspect of this job and have far too much time twiddling my thumbs at my desk. I am intelligent and want to be challenging myself in my career, not staring at the clock waiting for my “desk warming” time to end. I often have the feeling that I’m treading water in my career here rather than moving upwards. I want to be moving upwards. I’m from a climbing family, after all.
I fought my school on the early deadline and got it pushed back a few more weeks, giving me time to feel really solid about my choice. I am officially leaving Japan in August! Now that the decision is made, I can enjoy the next seven months here and start thinking about where I want to go next. I have some ideas brewing but nothing finalized yet. Stay tuned!
*photos featured in this post are not necessarily applicable to this blog post nor have they been applicable to other blog posts but are some photos I love from the past few months
**this is based exclusively on my own experiences, and I am by no means intending to discount anyone else’s decision to stay or go
Noodles with Nicki 